Default settings
How do I find the menu in this game?
The Default Settings
In life, much like in video games, we all have a set of default settings. These are the automatic ways we think, react, and interact—shaped by our genetics, upbringing, and personal experiences. They’re our baseline, the starting point for navigating daily routines and relationships.
Default Modes and Survival
As game defaults ensure an essential experience for everyone, our life defaults are designed for survival. They help us manage complexities without overthinking every move. But sticking rigidly to these defaults can limit our potential, much like sticking to the standard settings in a game can limit the gameplay experience.
Recognizing and Adjusting Defaults
The challenge comes in recognizing these defaults, mainly how they affect our relationships. For example, my default response when my kids express high levels of emotion is “quick parenting.” It’s my autopilot mode—getting them to quiet down as quickly as possible, regardless of what each child needs. It’s a one-size-fits-all approach that often falls short because each child requires something different in those moments.
Similarly, these defaults can spill over into my relationship with my wife. My instinct might be to offer solutions when she needs empathy or to withdraw when things get tense rather than engaging. These are the moments when I realize that our “system settings” don’t come with easy adjustments or multiple-choice options to select from. Changing a default is hard work; it’s not like tweaking game settings.
Adjusting Defaults as Self-Love
Adjusting our defaults isn’t just about better interactions; it’s an act of self-love and focus. It takes time, attention, and a willingness to change. One practical step I’ve taken is keeping a pocket notebook. I jot down moments when I fall back on my defaults, ask myself why I reacted that way, and consider what a better response could be.
This process is more than just getting it right; it’s about being mindful and intentional in navigating my relationships. It’s like playing a game on a higher difficulty setting—not because it’s easy, but because the challenge is worth it.
Conclusion: Embrace the Update
Our default settings are a starting point, not a final destination. By adjusting them, we can enrich our experiences and deepen our relationships. So, the next time you catch yourself in a default reaction, consider if it’s the best setting. Maybe it’s time for an update—because even the best games benefit from a good patch now and then.
Note: these daily post without a doubt are starting to get difficult but it’s worth it. Keep moving.
Until tomorrow
John D