Momental Musings no. 2
hearing love when the volume is muted
Hello Friends,
I've been rather muted these last two weeks; the new year came in with a bang, not the silence I requested. You know you've been muted when the systems you've developed send you the early warning signs of danger.
What I mean by that is I've established connection points with those I love - my partner, my children, and my friends. Check-ins that allow me, even in the muted nature of my last few weeks, to be intentional in hearing them. From my oldest daughter, who expressed, "dad, I'm tired of being ignored," to my partner, "We just haven't been connected." to my friends, "You good man? You've been super quiet in the chat."
I can't express how sucky that feels - the reason for the disconnection is an increase in busyness within my 9-5. I cannot control the amount of work I receive.- but I can control how I react and process it. I got caught up in the client's mindset of everything being a fire; getting caught in the absolutely pointless chaos created a tiredness and stress level that made everything else muted.
I'm thankful for my early warning systems - for the way in which I hold those spaces, hearing my daughter tell me painfully, "Dad, I'm tired of being ignored." that hurt. Stupidly, at that moment, I internally started saying nonsense about being "busy" and how I have to work; the list of statements, while partly true. It means nothing in the long run.
Musings
I. Work is Playtime.
"Dad can you play with me?"
"Sorry, my love, but I have to get back to work." - This is a statement I despise with all of my being - it's one that every time it slips from my mouth, there's another voice in the back of my head that screams play with your kid!
"I got an idea" - this comes from the voice of the brightest little boy I know in this world - "I can play work!"
And he does, joining me at my desk, making play of something that I rarely find the same excitement in. For those few precious minutes, work became play, and I stood there with my son, watching him find joy in what often drains me. I couldn't meet him where he wanted to, but he met me where I was.
II. Tears fall at every note.
One of the beautiful paradoxes of watching your children grow is witnessing how love's expression evolves—from the unrestrained physical affection of the early years to the more measured exchanges of growing independence. They go from being your shadow to crafting their own light, from screaming, "Daddy, I love you!" at the top of their lungs to offering love in quieter, more deliberate ways.
These transitions often filled me with a subtle melancholy until today. There she stood at her violin recital, nervous energy visible in every careful step, stealing a quick glance at me as I positioned myself in the middle aisle, phone ready to capture every precious second. Then she bowed and began to play.
What flowed from her bow wasn't just music—it was weeks of secret practice, moments stolen away with only Jalesa as a witness, all building to this gift: my favorite song, "Perfect" by Ed Sheeran, reimagined through her dedication and love. With every note, I heard, "Daddy, I love you." Different from the days, she was my constant shadow, but no less remarkable.
III. I so purely want to see you achieve every dream that comes forth from your mind
Feb 22nd, 2025, will bring a sleeping dream forth into the waking world, a daydream written about in journals - moved from the pages into reality. Prayers prayed so often, brought forth through His will. All that to say, on this day, my wife will open her children's book and craft studio. Years of small steps lead to this extraordinary outcome. I can't express to you all how wonderful it is to see her joy, to see the ink once contained between pages now as bookshelves filled with books, to see prayers sent up, now taking shape as art classes that will teach so many children and parents the beauty of art, the magic of reading. The joy of the slow moments spent together.
Ways to support:
I love coffee, and you're more than welcome to buy me one
My extraordinary partner
Jalesa Dodson runs a children's book and craft studio focused on quality family time—supporting our small business is one of the most meaningful ways to support this work.
We also just launched our new site for the craft studio. Check it out -
https://www.tyrannosaurustot.com/
With gratitude,
John
❤️ resonated with this