The Bear made me a better Dad I think?
HANDS PLEASE
Inspired by a friend's earlier post today, I started thinking about The Bear.
I recently finished the show after ignoring it for years. I saw a trailer once and thought it wouldn't be my cup of coffee. A single trailer was enough to convince me it wasn't my thing.
It took a crazy man with a penchant for pulling teeth out of people's heads—I think others call them dentists—to convince me to watch The Bear finally. Once I started, it consumed my waking hours like a new parent consumes coffee—desperately and in large quantities.
One of the scenes that struck me most was when Carmy laid out his non-negotiables for the restaurant. It was a moment of clarity amid chaos—a way to establish control in an environment where everything seemed uncertain. Carmy's list wasn't just about setting rules but defining what mattered most when everything else felt overwhelming.
But here's the reality—as the story unfolded, it became clear that while these non-negotiables provided structure, they also created friction. Carmy's rigid adherence to his list sometimes led to conflicts, highlighting the challenges of maintaining control without flexibility. And isn't that just a perfect metaphor for parenting and marriage?
This got me thinking about my own life. Unlike Carmy, who was battling both internal and external chaos, I believe in a different approach to non-negotiables. While it's crucial to have guiding principles, they should focus on what we can control, how we can love others more, and how we can love ourselves better. Instead of being rigid, they should be adaptable to the changing dynamics of life.
Inspired by Carmy's intent but aiming for a smoother path, I defined my non-negotiables. These aren't just rules to live by; they're guidelines that help me maintain balance, foster meaningful relationships, and keep chaos at bay.
My Non-negotiables:
Start my day with my Lord's words.
Connect with my wife over coffee.
I spend quality time with my kids in their world.
Date my wife weekly.
Work out daily.
I know what you're thinking: "Wow, groundbreaking stuff there, buddy. Did you also discover that water is wet?" And you're not wrong. These aren't revolutionary ideas. But here's the thing—just like in The Bear, it's not about having a perfect list. It's about identifying and committing to what matters most, even when life gets messy.
These non-negotiables aren't just rules to live by; they're reminders of what I value. They help me maintain some semblance of balance in a life that often feels like I'm juggling flaming torches while riding a unicycle on a tightrope over a pit of Legos.
Do I always succeed in following them? Not. There are days when "connect with my wife over coffee" turns into "grunt acknowledgment while chugging caffeine." But having them written down gives me a North Star, a direction to aim for even when I'm off course.
Non-negotiables can bring more love and structure into our lives when approached with the right intent and clear communication. They're not just rules; they're a way to maintain some control and foster meaningful relationships amidst the beautiful chaos of family life.
What are your non-negotiables? What are the core elements that keep you sane amid the madness? Share them in the comments below.
If one of your non-negotiables is spending quality time with the little ones, check out one of my favorite methods—Tyrannosaurus Tot. Subscribers receive an excellent coupon code.
Thank you for reading and spending a few minutes with my creations. I hope it helps or makes you laugh. And if you haven't already, definitely check out The Bear.
Day Two of Viam writing challenge. Loving the creation.
I start the day reading from Opening Doors Within by Eileen Caddy. I weigh myself. I send the weight number by text to my sister. I exercise to an exercise video on my computer monitor. I check my meetup group, my you tube channel, begin writing on substack on my Daily Miracles & Musings. I check my bank and credit union balances. There's more, but I am almost ready for shower and breakfast. My day proceeds.